No matter what we may go through to make us the women we are today, there is a plan God has for us when we were born. We are all on a journey to be the best God wants us to be. We wonder why bad things happen to good people...but God hasn't taken us this far to let us go now.
So...I will be making updated posts of her story as she writes from her heart. Sometimes we don't share our most intimate feelings for fear of people who may judge us. She is not one of those women. Confident, loving and successful in many ways, she exhumes the Holy Spirit who lives within her and within a few minutes of connecting our shared emotions, I asked her to write her story for my blog. Enjoy!
When Love is Not Enough...
by anonymous
When I was young, I knew and understood
that my value and worth in this world originated from a bond of love innately
born within a solid Christian family.
As familiar as I was with the influences that moved me nearer and nearer
to the inevitable journey of self-discovery and awareness, the realization that
there are many "bonds of love" and family structures that are not
coeval to my own was an astonishing discovery. However, as long as my intrinsic value rested peacefully within
my "bond of love", I grew to live, love, learn, and expect lifelong
bliss.
As I continued through the journey of life
and as I grew into "My Own", falling in love seemed the next logical
experience. A different kind of
love than before, however it, if chosen successfully, should prove to provide
the bearers with lifelong happiness.
After the wedding bells and after years of
living under the impression that I would always be the recipient of love and
believe in the ideology of happily married bliss, the roses in my garden began
to fade. If you asked me what
happened or to describe my experience, it would be nearly impossible to express
in words alone. The "Eyes of
Love" were altered and had become the "Eyes of a Stranger". Life took a turn that was never
anticipated or expected. A turn that led me into loneliness and divorce. While I
remained in love, my ex-spouse moved on with the love from another. And he moved nearly 2,000 miles away
from our two children and me.
At this time, I am going to take a time
out. My emotions are almost too
much for me to endure and express.
(I'm back) So many memories that I would rather forget and erase from
my mental dairy. Memories that
were never to be a page in my book of life. But there they were.
Written, sold, placed on a shelf, purchased, and read - all in one
step. Also, loneliness, depression,
emptiness, and friendlessness were never to be "MY" enemies. But they
were growing with an incessant passion.
Regardless of how I tried, nagging and nagging at my inner mind and
spirit, I could not fight the fight.
It was a pointless attempt.
I suppose that I could best be described as a psychological mess.
A psychological mess is an
understatement. During the last
five years of our marriage, I was the recipient of verbal and physical abuse,
abandoned in a state where the only family I had were my two children. Who, and rightly so, were depending on
me for their support, love and so much more. To further my plight, I had not worked outside the home
in over 15 years and he drove away with our only car.
So how does one react when love is not
enough. Where does one find
reassurance when an empty "shell" would be an accurate description of
their spirit and soul? First, I am a Christian, raised in a
Christian family. Second, the only
place to fall was at the foot of the Cross, my cross. Third, rest assured that there I could find the hope of a
new beginning, discover a new life and fill up the emptiness with the Grace of
my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
Since that time, I have found assurance
through prayer and reading the Bible.
My favorite chapter is Psalms 91 and I read it over and over. My favorite passage: Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. Proverbs 3: 5-6. I have repeated these
scriptures at least 5,000 times.
It has helped me to not give into worry and the stress of life.
But I do understand that my story is
complex, so I think it best that it be written in a few segments. In my next segment, I will be happy to
write about the "Strength in the Olive Jar". Until then, God Bless
and Keep You.
