Tuesday, April 2, 2013

When Love Is Not Enough, Part 3 - Light Attracts Light

Girls, Here is Part 3 to this story. If you haven't read part 1 & 2 of the story scroll below to read them. Follow my friend as she shares her heart warming story.  Enjoy!

Light Attracts Light...
 by anonymous
It has been exceedingly difficult for me to identify with my emotions and feelings experienced during a very traumatic era of my life. Despite my attempts, I am now unable to recognize "that person" whom I am struggling to accept was actually myself. Glimpsing at who I was then versus who I am presently is synonymous to knowing twins with night and day personalities. With this in mind, I will do my best to convey the reality of those days. In spite of the fact that I began a new life and, in the opinion of many, was experiencing success or had arrived at some degree of significance in the world, there were so many depressive moments and feelings of inadequacy.

"It is well with my soul", a wonderful song that resonated in my mind over and over during many of the worst difficult days. It happened while sitting in an auditorium in a very large church. The words of this song mounted in my mind like coal on a fire. My heart desired so desperately to have a "right of passage" into happiness. I needed to be well in my soul. Being totally distraught by my situation, as I described in "When Love Is Not Enough" and "Strength in The Olive Jar", I realized that I could not continue with life in my present mental state and emotional stress. With tears flowing down my cheeks, I surrendered my life totally and autonomously to God. I gave him my children, my situation, and my heart. And as I left church that day, I knew that my life would never be the same.

Of course, I employed the services of therapists to help and assist me with all of the "stuff" that I was dealing with. There are most likely better words to use than "stuff", but I think you know what I mean. It is that darkness deep within that is so disdainful and contemptuous. That which is not acceptable socially or morally with others. Let's just say, it is better to keep it well within, hidden and out of sight of the real world. Amongst those who have arrived or dealt successfully with their inner demons and defeated and overcome their attacks, those who continue to be dealing with a darkness within, are considered to be unacceptable or damaged. So, unknowingly, hurting people attract hurting people. Unless pain is allowed to heal, the cycle of pain begins again. 

However, I was blessed to have a stubborn personality. I developed an inner core of strength and integrity. Life was good and I was determined to be a positive member of society. So I practiced all that was good. In my life, this consisted of becoming an active member of my church and living the life of a committed Christian. Being a lady and all that being a lady meant. Praying, reading the Bible, attending Bible Studies, and of course, being a great employee to my employer.

By 1993, while working two jobs and forging through life with an insatiable effort to succeed, I obtained a Degree in Accounting. Consequently, work had become my "husband" and aside from love of time with my children, it was the only other effort that appeased my desire for happiness. From a careful observation of my life, work awarded me with approval and acceptance. Continuance of my existence in life was based on these two conscious exertions. However, I was prolonging the inevitable truth that life was meant to be "more".

"More", "well with my soul"?? How does one accomplish these life achievements? And what exactly does it all mean? How does one know when they have it? How does one continually progress into contentment and a well-adapted life? So many questions to be answered and the time between dawn and dusk prove to be just a minute in the lengthy quandary of life. In short, time was little and demands on that time were many. The answer within each of us. To say is poetically, we all have our own ship to sail.

The important and necessary task is that people must follow their own heart. Learning to know our Heavenly maker in a way that no other person can damage another person's inner core where God exists and live to rule. When He lives within us in this manner, there will be no darkness, only Light. Light to guide us and protect us from any damaging influence in our lives.

John 8:12 "I am the Light of the world. Anyone who follows me will never walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life."

John 1:9 "The true Light who gives Light to EVERYONE."

Occasionally, it is our inclination to believe that due to our present or past circumstances that Jesus is for everyone else. Jesus has come sot that everyone might have an understanding of God and His will. The question remains - will I (you) attract the Light and sow goodness and wellness of mind, body and spirit or will I (you) quest for other paths that lead into darkness of the mind, body and spirit. The decision is always personal and takes immense and diligent effort. Neither is it a one-time decision, but over and over, again and again. Leaving a damaged life behind and travelling into a new dawn, a new day is not easy, but is marked by dedication to renewal and seeking the Life of Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour. 

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